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18 June 2008 @ 10:59 am
Fic for animegoil  
Author: brightdreamer
Requested by: animegoil
Title: Sense
Rating: PG-15
Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man does not belong to brightdreamer.
Warning: Character injury

by brightdreamer

“I've got it!” Lavi shouted, swinging his hammer above his head, the glowing seals swirling around him as he invoked the second level of his Innocence. Instinctively, he slammed the hammer through the seal he used most often. “Gouka Kaijin... Hi Ban!” In retrospect, he realized that using the Fire Seal against this particular Akuma probably wasn't the brightest idea in the world. The Level 2 was all fire itself, flaming whips circling around its body, heat scorching the ground where it hovered. As the fire snake coiled toward it, the Akuma merely laughed and flailed out with its tentacle-like arms, slashing Lavi's attack into harmless tufts of flame.

“Idiot rabbit, what the hell are you trying to do?” Kanda's voice sounded hoarse from the smoke as he darted through the flames smoldering in the grass.

“Fight fire with fire?” Lavi said with a sheepish grin, raising his hammer for another attack. A sharp sound from behind him distracted him, however, and he glanced back to see Allen using his Innocence arm to deflect a flaming branch that had fallen toward him from a nearby tree. Before he could turn back, however, he saw Allen's eyes widen in alarm.

“Lavi, look out!”

Even as he turned, raising his hammer in defense, Lavi realized it was too little, too late. He'd had his blind side to the Akuma when he turned to look at Allen, and now he knew that the moment of inattention was going to cost him dearly. He tried to dodge, to push himself out of the way, but the last thing he saw was a red-orange whip of fire slashing directly toward his face. The last thing he knew was white-hot pain, Allen's scream and Kanda's shouted curse, then blackness deeper than anything he'd ever known.

When he finally awoke, he was lying on something soft -bed, they must've brought me back to the inn- and something cool and wet was draped across his eyes. Feeling that his eye patch was gone, he reached up to touch the cloth on his face, then hissed in pain as even the slight pressure caused fireworks of agony to explode across his vision. My eyes...!? Clenching his teeth, he pulled the cold compress away and opened his eyes.

Or tried to.

Whether his eyelids were simply swollen shut or burned too badly to open, he couldn't tell, but it didn't matter as the darkness pressed in around him. A strangled whimper forced itself past his lips as he tried in vain to open his eyes, to get any glimmer of light, but all his efforts were for naught. “Nngh...!” Pain burned across his face, pulsing and throbbing, making him feel dizzy and sick.

He heard a door open, then footsteps hurrying into the room, and could identify Allen before the other even spoke. “Lavi! You're awake... oh, don't, you need to keep that on...” The cloth was taken from his hand, and he heard the sound of it being dipped in water and wrung out, then the soft coolness settled across his eyes and forehead again, bringing a tiny measure of relief.

“Allen,” Lavi croaked, his throat dry and raw from the smoke. “My eyes... how bad...?”

Allen's arm slid behind Lavi's shoulders, easing him up a bit, then a glass of water was held to his lips. Though still worried about his injury, Lavi sipped the cool liquid gratefully, then turned his face away when he was done. “Allen, tell me... how bad is it?” he asked again.

Allen eased Lavi back to the pillows, then gentle fingers stroked through tousled red hair. Lavi turned his head into his lover's touch, but wasn't about to let himself be distracted. “Tell me,” he repeated softly.

He heard the other boy take a deep breath. “We... we don't really know,” Allen replied slowly, his fingers still moving lightly through Lavi's hair. “The doctor looked at you... but... he couldn't tell if it was just your eyelids that were burned or if your eyes were hurt too.” Lavi felt a shift on the mattress as Allen sat beside him. “It could've been a lot worse!” the younger Exorcist continued. “You moved enough... it only got right across your eyes... could've killed you...” His breath hitched, then Lavi felt soft, warm lips press against his.

Lavi tried to relax into the kiss, but his heart was beginning to pound faster in panic. My eyes... my eyes... what if...? His eyes were the core of his existence as a Bookman... none of the others knew that he wore the eye patch to keep himself from being overloaded by the detail of everything. If his eyes were even damaged, he could be useless to his profession. Even aside from that, what use was a blind Exorcist?

Turning his head, Lavi broke away from Allen's kiss with a gasp. “Yuu... where's Yuu?” He desperately needed to have his other lover there as well, to know that he wasn't injured either.

“Shh... he's downstairs making a phone call... he'll be back up soon, okay?” A gentle hand smoothed over Lavi's hair. “Just relax...”

Lavi struggled to stay awake, wanting to ask more questions, wanting to figure out more right now, but his body was quickly overruling his mind. Lulled by Allen's soft touch, he was soon pulled back into the deeper blackness of sleep.

When he awoke later, he had no idea how much time had passed. Soft bandages had replaced the cloth over his eyes, and a cooling salve had taken the place of the cold water. Though he couldn't see, Lavi could sense that someone was sitting near the bed, and he turned his head slightly to the side. “Allen...?”

“He's sleeping,” a deeper voice responded, and there was the rustling sound of a book closing.

“Yuu,” Lavi sighed, moving his hand over toward him on the bed. He didn't expect it, but after a moment he felt strong, callused fingers close over his. Damn, I must be really bad off... “Hey... how bad is it?” he asked quietly, turning his hand to grasp Kanda's. “Allen wouldn't really tell me, but I know you will.”

There was a moment of silence before Kanda replied. “It looks bad,” he said. “I won't coddle you and say it doesn't. Your eyes are badly burned, to the point that the doctor couldn't tell if it was just your eyelids or the eyes themselves damaged. Once you're well enough to travel, we're going to take you back to Headquarters to let the Order's doctors look at you.” Kanda's voice was flat, though his fingers tightened slightly on Lavi's.

Lavi cursed under his breath, bringing his other hand up to touch his bandaged head. “I don't like this,” he murmured, then laughed dryly. “That's a fuckin' understatement... I... I hate this...” He swallowed and dropped his hand back down to the bed. “M'gonna be useless if my eyes're damaged.”

“Tch.” Kanda's only other reply was another squeeze to Lavi's hand. “You're useless enough as it is.”

Lavi couldn't help but laugh again at that, though it soon trailed off into coughing. He felt a strong arm slide behind his shoulders, sitting him up, then the glass of water was held to his lips again. After he drank, he turned his face toward Kanda, even though he couldn't see him. “Watch it, Yuu, might get used to ya bein' nice to me,” he said with a rueful smile.

“Che. Don't count on it,” the other man said, lowering Lavi back to the pillows. “You'll be up and annoying as usual in no time.”

“Mm.” Lavi wanted to talk to the other more, but found exhaustion and pain pulling him down again. As he drifted off, he thought he felt his hand lifted and lips pressed to his fingers, but he couldn't be sure.

The next few days passed in a blur for Lavi. Shrouded in darkness, he couldn't tell day from night most times, and could only tell it was daylight from the occasional warmth of the sun as it passed over his body. Allen and Kanda each tried to keep his spirits up in their own way... Allen with his usual optimistic cheerfulness, Kanda with his gruff but steady presence. Despite it all, Lavi found himself sinking deeper and deeper into a depression as dark as the shroud over his eyes.

What if this's permanent?

What if I can't see?

What will I do, where will I go?

I'll be useless... useless to Bookman, to the Order, to Allen and Yuu...

The thoughts chased themselves around and around his head, dragging him into dark dreams and fitful waking. He could sense his lovers' concern, but had no inclination to reassure them. The trip home passed in a blessedly short haze, and he soon found himself in a bed in the hospital ward in the Order. The doctors there could do nothing more than apply a better salve to his eyes and tell him to rest.

As the days dragged on, pain faded into boredom. Oh sure, there were visits from his lovers nearly constantly, and other friends from the Order dropped in and out. Lenalee sat by his side and read to him as he drifted in and out of consciousness. But the others had their own duties to attend, and though Lavi was never really alone, he found it increasingly difficult to just lie in bed and do nothing day in and day out. To keep himself from going insane, he recited books to himself, passages he'd read long ago. He tried thinking over his logs, even dictating to Bookman the records of this mission, but that only served to depress him further. If he didn't recover, what use were his records now? Bookman could not give him any reassurance, only telling him to save his energy for healing.

One day during the second week after his injury, Lavi felt strong hands helping him from the bed, Allen's gentler and guiding, Kanda's firmer and supporting. “Where're we goin'?” he asked groggily, struggling to stand on his own.

“The baths,” he heard Allen reply. “We thought it might help you relax a little.”

“And you stink,” Kanda added, his arm tight around Lavi's waist, not letting him pull away as they moved across the room.

“Do not,” Lavi protested weakly, unable to bring himself to draw away from either one of his lovers. He desperately wanted to do things himself, to show that he wasn't helpless, but... it was easier to let the other two lead him. “Don't... need your help,” he murmured as he was led down the stairs of the Order to the baths. He could almost picture the steps in his mind, having seen them only a few days before. Each rock, each whorl of coarse wood was etched into his mind, as was every detail that he'd ever seen in his life. But how would it be when he was in a new place, without memory of it? If he couldn't see, how could he record? How could he fight? A strangled sound of frustration worked its way from his throat.

“We're almost there,” Allen said, his voice full of concern, apparently having mistaken the sound for one of pain.

“M'fine,” Lavi grumbled, finally gathering the will to pull away from both of the others. He only made it a few steps forward before he stumbled into a chair that had been moved out of place in the bath house, different from how he had remembered it before. He fell forward with a strangled curse, but didn't hit the ground before two pairs of hands caught him and helped him back to his feet. “I hate this!” he cried out, fists clenched as Allen and Kanda held his arms. “M'useless, helpless... I would'a rather just died!”

A sharp blow to the back of the head made him wince. “Idiot!” Kanda's voice was sharp, but a note of concern could be heard underneath. “Don't even think that.”

“You're going to be fine, Lavi,” Allen spoke up, his fingers roaming lightly over Lavi's back as they moved forward again. “Don't say things like that, okay?”

Lavi winced again, hearing the hurt in Allen's voice. “Sorry,” he murmured. “S'just... I don't wanna be like this.”

“I know,” the younger boy replied. “But you'll get better... just let us help you for now.”

Lavi soon found himself seated on a bench, his clothes stripped off by careful hands. The bandages were gently unwound from his eyes, and he drew in a sharp breath.

“Light...!” he said breathlessly. He couldn't open his eyes, but he could get a faint glow of light from behind the swollen eyelids. “I can see light...”

“Really?” Allen's voice was full of hope. “That's wonderful, Lavi!” The younger boy's arms wrapped around him, and Lavi felt Kanda squeeze his shoulder in response.

“Yeah... guess so...” Light was all well and good, but if that was all he could see, it wasn't going to do much in the long run. His shoulders slumped slightly as he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

Allen rubbed his back lightly. “It's going to take time,” he said. “Be patient.”

“I ain't patient,” Lavi complained, then sputtered as a bucket of warm water was dumped over his head... by Kanda, he guessed.

“Learn how to be,” the swordsman growled, his fingers working soap into Lavi's hair.

Lavi very nearly protested, but he stopped himself... how often would he get treatment like this from his usually stoic and reserved lover? Allen's hands worked a soft cloth up and down his arms and chest, cleaning him of the sweat and grime of lying in bed for days. Slowly, Lavi relaxed under the ministrations of his two lovers, letting them wash and care for him. It's not so bad... he thought, his shoulders slumping a bit. At least this isn't so bad, anyway. He was pulled out of his thoughts as Kanda dumped yet another bucked of water over his head, rinsing off the soap. “Geez, Yuu, gimme some warnin',” he complained playfully, reaching back to slap the other's bare thigh.

Kanda replied with a short “tch,” but his hands moved gently over Lavi's shoulders to help him to his feet. Lavi allowed his lovers to lead him into the baths, moving as steadily as he could over the slippery floor. He sighed as he sank into the warm water, letting his head lean back against the rocks, feeling the other two boys slide into the bath beside him.

Lavi relaxed into the water, letting the warmth soothe away the aches and stress from the past few weeks. “I'm so tired of this,” he said quietly after a long moment. “I need to be able to see.”

“You'll get better,” Allen began, but Lavi interrupted him.

“You don't understand,” he said, sitting forward and putting his head in his hands. “If I can't see, I can't do anythin'! I can't be a Bookman, I can't be an Exorcist, I'm helpless, useless, just... just...” he broke off, frustrations of the past weeks bearing down on him. “I can't do anythin',” he repeated softly. “I can't even... see you two.”

There was a moment of silence following his outburst, and he could almost hear the wordless communication passing between his two lovers. Finally, he felt a hand on his shoulder, sliding up into his wet hair... Allen's hand, rough from his Innocence, yet still gentle. “You don't need to see us,” he said quietly, his lips close to Lavi's ear, making him shiver lightly.

Lavi was about to ask him what he meant, but was cut off before the words could form as Kanda's mouth pressed against his. He immediately parted his lips, inviting the other's tongue inside as he felt Allen's hand brushing down his chest and stomach, under the water.

They feel so...

Since he'd been injured, his lovers had barely touched him other than to offer assistance. Soon, Lavi felt like his entire body was on fire, hotter than the water around him. Not being able to see seemed to heighten his other senses, sending shivers down his spine at every unexpected brush of hand or lips, not knowing where the next touch would come, anticipating and reacting to each new sensation. His lovers' voices echoed in his ears, each gasp, each moan, each murmured affection searing itself into his memory as clearly as any sight his eyes had ever viewed. His hands roamed over Kanda's smooth, flawless body, traced every scar on Allen's skin, discovered new pleasure zones on each boy, memorized every inch of their skin as though he'd never touched them before. Everything built higher and higher than he'd ever felt, finally bringing him to a peak so intense that he screamed and lost all sense of time or place.

When he came back to himself, he was out of the bath and being dried by two sets of hands and large, fluffy towels. Sighing contentedly, he leaned back against the one behind him... Kanda, he realized as soon as he touched him. “Damn, that was...” He sighed again, for once unable to find a word suitable to describe the experience.

“Told you you didn't need your eyes for everything,” Allen teased, running the towel down Lavi's legs. He helped Lavi step into a pair of soft pajama pants, then Kanda slipped a shirt over his head.

“Yeah, guess not,” Lavi replied with a faint smile, allowing himself to be led to a bench and seated. Gentle fingers smoothed a cooling balm over his eyes, then the bandages were re-wrapped, leaving Lavi in total darkness again. But... this time it didn't seem so bad, not when he could hear every breath and soft sound from each of his lovers, and could feel every slight brush against his still-sensitive skin. And when he was settled back in the bed in the hospital ward, it didn't feel so much like a prison as before, the sheets cool against his skin, his lovers' hands warm on his own.

As the days dragged on into weeks, Lavi found that his other senses seemed to be sharpening even as his eyes improved. The bath with Allen and Kanda had only been the first time he noticed it, but he soon discovered that he could do more without his eyes than he ever thought possible. Not only could he identify someone from their footsteps, he could do so from much further away, able to hear a person from far down the corridor outside the medical ward. He could figure out what Jerry was cooking even before it was close to mealtime, though the kitchen was well away from where he lay in bed. And every touch on his skin seemed to be amplified tenfold, a fact which his lovers took advantage of at every opportunity that they got him alone.

Finally, the day came when the bandages were removed from his eyes for good. Out of habit, Lavi kept his eyes closed, fearful of what he might—or might not—see when he finally opened them. He felt Allen's hand close around his, and could sense Kanda's presence right beside him. “Go ahead, Lavi,” Allen said. “We're here for you, no matter what happens.”

Taking a deep breath, Lavi slowly opened his eyes. At first, everything was a big white blur, and he caught a fearful gasp in his throat. As he blinked rapidly, however, the white blur focused into clean hospital sheets, the folds crisp on the edges, rumpled where they fell over his legs. Cautiously, he lifted his head and turned to look at Allen... then quickly had to close his eyes again as a sharp pain shot through his head. “Agh!”

“What is it, Lavi?” Allen's voice was full of concern, and his hand tightened on Lavi's. “Are you okay?”

Lavi shook his head, a faint smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “My eye patch... I need my eye patch!” he laughed. Of course it would hurt to look around with both eyes, they were too sensitive... they were completely healed, just as good as they were before. Covering his right eye with one hand, he smiled and looked up at his two lovers with his left. There was no pain this time, and it was the most beautiful sight he thought he'd ever seen.
We're only several miles from the sunanimegoil on June 18th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, so cute! <3 Kanda's support was the sweetest, I think, because it was so uncharacteristic of himThey stayed in-character, and it was a plot I liked. thank you!